Thursday, September 22

My mistress

I woke up today morning after going to bed in the wee hours of the morning( thanks to OIS and FACS). Running into the lab as I was late and had tons of stuff to do, I prepared all my material for immunisations.

Halfway through my first few immunisations I realised that I had got the wrong vaccine. Damn! Went back despondent having already mucked up my experiment a little bit, I realised that I had made a big mistake in my dose calculations some days ago. A vaccine I had made up days ago was of a dosage 10 fold less than the intended dose.

I was devastated!! I had got some interesting results earlier and I did not know whether I had used this wrong vaccine in that experiment. If I had, the entire experiment was a mess and a disaster. The next two hours of immunising was shrouded by a blanket of gloom and despondency. I wanted to go back home, enough of all these mistakes, how could I explain this away. I was two years into my PhD, how could I make such a stupid mistake?? It was the longest couple of hours. I made new experiment plans, but realised that this would probably be the end of my scientific career. Disaster!!

All these negative thoughts and emotions washing over me, I finished my immunising and immediately rushed to find my lab book. Had I made the biggest blunder ever?

Thank GOD! No! I had not used the miscalculated vaccine dose for the important experiment. I was saved! Relief flooded me and the world looked much rosier. I bantered with my colleagues, chatted with people. The world was looking up. I will go home in jan not October.

Oh that fickle mistress - Science!

Monday, September 19

Vaccination and public health

I have never actually wondered about how governments enforce public health laws. On the surface it seems quite obvious that government should enforce these public health initiatives in public interest, however you could surely argue that your religious beliefs, cultural customs prohibit you from following these directives. For example, say tomorrow a large community in the US decided against flu vaccines it would lead to a catastrophe. (Although keeping the present flu vaccine shortage in mind, I dont think the government would be too unhappy). You can just imagine the epidemic that might cause. So how does government force us to obey certain public health initiatives, eg. seat belts? Surely, you could argue on a personal basis that you dont want to wear it.

The law that enforces public health initiatives is based on a judgement passed in a case Jacobson vs Massachusetts in 1902. Basically Jacobson refused to take the smallpox vaccine during an epidemic and the court fined him $5. The argument was that if the state believed that the restriction of individual liberty was justified when there was a threat to a community, as the community has the paramount right to protect itself. The court however, did mention that these restrictions must be limited and cannot be used in an oppressive and arbitary manner.

There are important points to note in the case : Smallpox vaccination was well established by then and scientifically approved in the medical community. Smallpox was a deadly disease and mortality was high due to the disease. Lastly, jacobson argued that the state was acting in an dictatorial and socialistic manner, which weren't good enough grounds for dismissal.

Interestingly, I am unsure of what the situation back home is. There is the region in bengal which refuses to be vaccinated with polio in the belief that it causes sterility. What laws exist in India?

The article which lead me to even think about this was published in NEJM.

Sunday, September 18

"mother" has left. Saw her off today morning. Had OIS meeting yesterday which ended in extremely funny circumstances. Junior dean offered to cut C's hair. Of course, C being the nice guy and having imbibed some vodka agreed....only to realise that she had never done it before. Then we all had this long laugh as we tried to imagine dean trying to cut C's hair without any idea of what implements to use. ( I used to get haircuts from Kunjua) and we came up with this prime time reality show : Kunjurani cuts Chandru!!!

Anyway, went home and watched shit movie on computer. Slept at 4.30 and was awoken by RM at 7am. In lab now, with no inclination to work. I think I will go home and try to work.

That I may drink, leave the world unseen,
Fade away with thee into the forest rim.

we shall see you grown up!

The Abraham gang together in the kitchen for the last time. It was the scene of many chats, many bitching sessions, lots of dinners at the end of the day and the scene of our initial planning of the Tsunami event! Will we meet again?

We gave her an oxford print

The two smallest people in the room

Kid is massive and really cute. Very good natured , didnt cry at all even after sitting for over an hour in the hot abhm kitchen.

Oxa and family! We will miss them. RM saw the kid being born. "mother" was up for over 24 hours and poor dad was happy and tired. Poor RM and Ms.Pacific sunshine were the hardest hit. no sleep,lots of work with tears streaming down.

Friday, September 16

My last poem to "Mother" was a bastardised version of this one:

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

The 19th century english poets were lovely - Browning, Bryon, Wordsworth,Shelley - as Robin Williams says in Dead Poets, " The Biggies".

Abraham band disbanded!

"Mother" leaves for home tomorrow. The abraham gang is finally disbanded. No more dinners chatting about women, life, relationships, boyfriends, pregnancy and the future.
R and I gave her an Oxford print. Will miss her. I hadn't seen much of her since she moved to Iffley and I think I regret that. She was definitely the most amazing woman I have met in the UK so far. I never saw her sad except once - this with all the work, hospital visits, organising the event and managing all of us.

Hats off to her!!

Will see her off tomorrow and 2005 will come to an end. The end of a great year, where I met some fantastic people,made some lovely friends. I love my friends - none of them are psuedo, none of them are obnoxious people, all of them are just nice people with very few airs. These are people who I can meet over dinner and just be myself. Talk rubbish, bitch, make horrible jokes or just be morose - it won't make a difference to them. They will still be my friends!


THOU unrelenting Past!
Strong are the barriers round thy dark domain,
And fetters, sure and fast,
Hold all that enter thy unbreathing reign.

Far in thy realm withdrawn,
Old empires sit in sullenness and gloom,
And glorious ages gone
Lie deep within the shadow of thy womb.

Childhood, with all its mirth,
Youth, Manhood, Age that draws us to the ground,
And last, Man’s Life on earth,
Glide to thy dim dominions, and are bound.


Thou hast my better years;
Thou hast my earlier friends, the good, the kind,
Yielded to thee with tears—
The venerable form, the exalted mind.


My spirit yearns to bring
The lost ones back—yearns with desire intense,
And struggles hard to wring
Thy bolts apart, and pluck thy captives thence.

Tuesday, September 13

Done!

Report done! I am a free man for the next twelve hours. Sent it off to the big boss.
Now to lab work and reading. Viva in two weeks, will go mad again.At least the hardest bit is done and that is the important thing.

Next figure out apoptosis markers, OIS stuff, forms to be signed(ST and others), check bank balance and send JVZS money.

Brother will sell my bike to get himself a car! Smart guy knows when to strike. How does benevolent older brother refuse younger beseeching sibling on b'day? Go ahead boy! Enjoy your independence while you can...I will be back someday!

Monday, September 12

Lost love

I have found my bike. It was lying near the theoretical physics department, just standing there. The guy who took it obviously realised that it could be ridden by only one person....me!
It reminds me of our "herbie". Only Amma could drive it or coax it to do anything. My bike is also green and it is quite big ( not as big as a Mark II ambassador or as old)!
Anyway, I am complete once more. The %^£*£"* who took it mucked up the gears a bit and left the back tyre with very little air but otherwise it's fine. The brakes are still not working and the gears are a bit rusty which is probably why the thief had to leave it behind after recgonising his inability to motivate the bike forward. Its all about handling the bike properly, with love and care. Its knowing where to change gear down the hill when you are screeching down without brakes, about knowing what your braking distance is, just shifting the worn out brake pads enough to allow it to touch the wheel when you pull the brakes!
So, I am a happy and content man once more!

Ashes

England win the Ashes! Pietersen the hero for today! see some great pictures of the match here. Good for England and now hopefully the series in India next year will be a good one. If you want to play the ashes,go here.

Sunday, September 11

St Giles Fair

Every year Oxford holds the St Giles Fair. Read about it here.
It was held on the 5th and 6th of September this year. The story goes that St.John's college owns St.Giles road and excercise their ownership rights by holding this fiar every year. I am unsure about the validity of this story but oxford legend has it thus. So, St.Johns wishing to assert their authority and power over the city council rent out the road for two days every year to stage the fair. Its also said that St.Johns organises the fair every year to keep the city council from annexing the road which runs through the heart of Oxford city.

While the College and the City council get on with their power games, we get out to enjoy the carnival. Its mainly targetted towards the under 15's but there are a couple of rides which are good.

The food is expensive and unexciting. The main thing is to go out with a big group and have fun just before the new academic year begins.

I went this year with some friends. I've posted some pictures if you scroll down.

The gang at the beginning of the carnival.We enjoyed ourselves, a few laughs,trophies,scary rides and food awaited us.

C and I decided to go on the ride you can see in the background. I think it was called the Booster. 30 metres off the ground, turned upside down from the rooftops of Oxford only to come hurtling down. It was wonderful!

The Famous Five! We are the famous five who ventured on the ride!

strapped in for the big ride! There is no going back. Loved the ride. Its great. You ascend to 30 metres above the ground in these seats and at its peak you are turned upside down and then come screaming down towards the ground only to go back up again. great view of oxford from the top, except that after the first time I never looked.

Charlie's angels! after the big ride!

The gun was bigger than her, but S showed size doesn't matter and bagged a prize. 3 out of 5 on target. I never tried after that. Imagine doing worse and never being able to make fun of her again.

M concentrating like she does on everything she picks up! Intense and successful -She got the prize!

The tiger's prey???

Yummm.....chocolate fountain! Willy Wonka's churning waterfall?? We actually told SM that it is a waterfall and you couldn't touch the chocolate because you would contaminate it and then get sucked in!! I don't know whether she believed it but she took a step back!

The smaller trophies! All from the shooting range.

The trophy! Some trophies were larger than others,this one being larger than the victors.

At the fag end of the fair! We have our trophies, some larger than others!

Saturday, September 10

I am writing my report and today have finished it. Need to add an appendix, three pictures and I am done. I never realised how good Word was for writing theses. Its great at making up your table of contents and index. Endnote is another really good bibliographic program. I used Endnote today to reference my work and I finished it in about three hours. A job which would have taken me at least 10 hours if I did it without endnote.

Couldn't sleep, empty feeling. Watched X-men 2 with C, then Dead Poet's Society. Why did I never have an english teacher like Robin Williams? I think my present distaste and apathy towards poetry stems from the compulsion of learning passages from poems for Reference to context questions. The academic analysis of poetry, the unnecessary notes about why the poet used the word "ere" instead of before took so much from the pleasure of poetry, the music of poetry. The emotion, passion, angst,love which the poet expresses in five lines of the english language was lost in this mockery of poetry.

"We read poetry because we are the human civilisation. We have passion and that is why we read poetry", Mr. Keating.

I only wish I had someone when I was younger to read poetry to me like that.
Isn't this verse beautiful. I learnt the peom O Captain! My Captain but no one read it to me with emotion. Think of standing on that victorious deck waiting to get home after a year at sea, waiting for family, for food, for land only to have your captain, your leader, the one you love and admire dead at your feet.

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart! 5
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Anju wins


Friday, September 9

Wished D today morning. Its always good to chat with him. makes me realise that everyone in the world is normal,I am normal. Is throwing big b'day bash. Wish I was there! S is coming to gay paris for b'day. Lucky girl...I wish I could go somewhere for my b'day. can't remember the last time I was at home for b'day. Am sick of spending birthdays away from family, shall go home for my b'day.Yes, thats a good idea. Save up until my b'day and then go home..
If i survive till then.
I hate TV. watched late night poker. Some idiot with a Q pair raised against a guy with an A pair and lost all his money. Another guy with a K pair lost after the last open card draw to a guy with a Q pair which became a Q triple after the last card was opened. He went bust as well. I switched off the TV at this point. bankrupt myself, cant bear to see everyone else around me go bust. reminds me of my own poverty(relative that is).
In lab, writing. need to finish by 1pm. Lunch at the White Hart, only veggie option chosen. Cheese and onion sandwich!! Eeeks, yuck. Why dont pubs understand that there are drinking veggies around, and they do form a significant proportion of the drinking public. they would get better business if they made better veggie food.
As you can see, I spend more time writing on my blog than my report. need to get back to referencing articles which prove that Adenos are the next cure to malaria. see how far we have come from the good old days of quinine. A tree it was then, now it is the same thing that gives us all a cold.
This is the new "organic medicine"

Thursday, September 8

Am in the lab, its9.30. I have been here for 12 hours in a glass building, airless, soundproof. I dont know what is going on outside. I sit in front of the computer or I am at the bench. My only connection with the outside world is the internet, and all that tells me is that Australia are going to get thrashed.
Its crisis time..need some tea. wonderful, relaxing tea. the only way to be,
when the world is crashing down around you,
is to sit in the sun,
on the wooden bench,
add some hot water to a tea bag
and then some sucre,
milk, stir and drink.
Like medicine, have I become an addict, caffeine
hands shake, restless if i dont have my daily dose,
of 3-4 cups of tea or coffee.

Wednesday, September 7

I cant be bothered to write anymore of my report or to work. Uff..I am sick of full working days. need a good holiday or to watch"Sound of music". Need some rejuvenation. Ideas???
Lost a bike, bought a TV. watched England lose to N.Ireland in belfast after 72 years. Its the first time NI have scored against england in 24 years.
England deserved to lose. They had about 5 shots on goal and did not construct too many decent chances. I think the problem is that they have too many big names in their team. Unlike the last world cup team where Beckham was a prodigy and Owen was making his name in football, this team has Lampard, Gerrard, Beckham, Owen, Rooney, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Carraghe. Just too many leaders.
I have realised that the most important thing for a team is to have a leader, and a leader who is respected and inspires devotion from his team. In my opinion, no one in the team respects Beckham. They think he is too glamorous and not as good as he is hyped to be. When you get onto that pitch you must play for each other, but somehow this is a collection of brilliant individuals and not yet a great team.

Its like India and New Zealand cricket. One full of stars, the other average players but a brilliant leader and a great team.

Anyway, back to viral vectors and the like..

Monday, September 5

Report

Intro left. Everthing else done! yay...
today last day of writing, then back to lab work.

Criminals must be shot!

My bike got stolen on Sunday. I am very annoyed!! &%(&#(# who stole it...if I ever find someone stealing a bike, I will thrash and flog him till he begins to hate the very sight of a cycle.
Like Henry Higgins,"I'm a very gentle man,
even tempered and good natured who you never hear complain,
Who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein,
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips,
the sort who never could, ever would,
let an insulting remark escape his lips"

But, let someone steal my bike and everything changes!! I feel lost, crippled, handicapped, empty without my modern steed. Now, you might not understand these sentiments and I can understand that. I grow attached to my things, the older they are the stronger the bond. This was my first ever possession in Oxford. I spent a whole day looking, searching and finally succeeding in finding the right cycle for myself.
The little one will tell you how excited I was after I bought this bike, chattering away, extolling its virtues to anyone who was within hearing distance. And now, some stranger, some random dude walks away with my bike in the middle of the night. Shameless, could you not have just asked me for it.

I think this is the worst of crimes. Like Louis L'amour wrote, "in the west the worst crime was to steal a man's horse for you were sure to kill him especially in the Mojave desert". I feel exactly the same now. I am paralysed. Today I had to take a bus to work and I almost cried...

When we two parted In silence and tears,
Half broken hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this

- Lord Bryon

Friday, September 2

Euphemisms

I had dinner with a friend of mine - a rather enlightened one - who mentioned Amartya Sen's new book, " The Argumentative Indian" and how it was all about "discourse" and "narratives". Being a scientist who likes calling a spade a spade, I am rather averse to using academic words where normal words could be used. I dont like people telling me a book is all about the "discourse on the prohibitve mindset and explores the ruminations of an entity behind the berlin wall". Dude, its about a person who is behind the wall...do we really need to say all that.
Anyway, I was arguing how I think that all these new post-modern vocabulary is very psuedo-intellectual especially when used in daily conversation. She then sent me this hilarious account of Harvard University's psuedoness!!

The business of writing "veridicality" for "truth"reminds me of an anecdote about Bertrand Russell. While the great philosopher was living in America,Harvard University asked him to give an address to their philosophy department. Russell wrote up an address and sent it to them for approval. He gave it the title "Words and Things". Some days later he got a call from the Philosophy Department. "Prof.Russell, we think your address will do just fine.
However, there is a problem with the title. 'Words and Things' really won't do for a lecture on academic philosophy. Do you think you could change that title?
Make it a little more ... professional?" Russell changed the title to something like "Linguistic
Correlates of Epistemological Constructs". Harvard was happy and the lecture was a success.